adminAlmost everyone I talk to does this one thing that signals to me that they are not a reliable person. Personally, I think if you don’t do this one thing, you’ll stand out from the crowd for multiple reasons.
The social mistake almost everyone makes is that they only talk about themselves. A conversation should go two ways. Asking questions, responding, and listening. Most people don’t listen. They respond only if they can talk about themselves as the main character. And they never ask a question back.
To me, behaviour like this signals to me that you are a bad partner. This is true in any type of relationship. Love, work, business, sports, etc. Someone who only talks about themselves and never asks a question of the conversation partner only thinks about themselves. At first, someone might sound interesting. But as the conversation advances, it becomes increasingly annoying. Imagine if this happens when you are in a long-term (professional) relationship.
For example, today, Mandy and I were at a market in Amsterdam. Selling our Thais Tafelen cooking kits. Next to us were two guys from Amsterdam. They sold stew made with their Grandmother’s recipe. During the day, we had several conversations with the guys. Every single one of those conversations felt like they were giving us their marketing speech. If they were our business partners, I wouldn’t feel comfortable, as I am sure that they would only think of themselves. For a business, I’d rather look for win-win situations.
My rule in conversations is to ask more questions than I am asked. First of all, if you ask questions, you have an opportunity to learn something new. Second, as you understand now, most people love to talk about themselves. If you ask someone a question, they will feel good about themselves. It’s always beneficial if someone feels important because of you.
Thirdly, and this is the most difficult reason, you should ask more questions than you are asked, because you separate their status from yours. Your egoistic partner might feel that they have the upper hand. But the opposite is true. Even though it’s hard to imagine at first.
Because you ask questions and listen, you get to know the other person. You get to know details that they don’t know about you, just because they can’t shut their mouth. This is an advantage almost no one talks about. You’ll also learn that this talking head is not a good future partner. So it’s best to be polite, but not waste too much time and energy. Just learn enough about them, and maybe you can use that information to your advantage.
So when talking to someone, always be the person who does the asking, not the talking. If someone only talks about themselves, that person is not worth your time. And if someone asks a lot of questions back, that person is worth your attention.